I am waiting for the sun to rise, the moon light is shining through the shatters and the dust that is floating in the air looks like crystal cinders. I should be a sleep now, but I can’t shut my eyes .You left me frozen. The breeze of this hot summer night is penetrating my soul and every hair on my body is standing, it’s making me nauseous, you are making me nauseas.
I didn’t move since you left, your whisper paralised me.
But this is the end or maybe the middle really, because you changed me.
The years following this night were hard and bad.
But I am ok now.
The three of us went out. I didn’t want to come but you were insistent. You said it would be nice to spend some father and daughter quality time. Now I know that you were mocking me.
I got in to his car, your best friend, and he drove.
The pub was dark, I could feel the smoke brushing against my skin and the loud music was pounding in my chest.
The place was crowded and I could sense the strangers’ look firing in my back.
This made me very embarrassed, I knew I wasn’t supposed to be there.
I was a child among giants.
I tried getting closer to you, and you handed me a beer.
Tiny drops of water ornamented the glass, like perfect little ambers on a bruised timber,
they moistening my hand as I picked it up.
The cold sour liquid that poured into my mouth gave me a false sense of security.
I could feel the warmth of your body as I tried to get near you, but my attempts at grabbing your attention were lost in the scenery. You handed me another beer.
I drank it and a euphoric sensation spread in my body, my hands got numb and thousands of tiny needles were pricking me.
“If you’ll take the bill, you can sleep with her” you said.
Your words pierced through me leaving a dehydrated crater in my soul,
Then and there I became a desert recognizing that the blissful rain will not cleanse nor heal,
Or wash my wounds away.
I was surrounded by snakes, rattling their tails as a sign of what was yet to come.
Your voice is still echoing in my head.
The ground became unstable as your friend glanced at me, examining my young, innocent silhouette. My heart beats pounded in my ears as the lights began to smear and mix in front of me.
A river of disbelieve, disappointment and pure hurt flew out leaving me empty and hollow, evacuating the place for the desert to dwell in my soul.
With a shaking hand I tried lighting a cigarette. You saw my struggle and came to my help, putting the fire against my mouth.
You handed me a beer.
And as I lay there, in what was once my safe haven, tolling this heavy burden that is upon me, shutting my eyes, so that I shall not see the sin in yours.
Screaming silently in my head, so I shall not hear your moans.
Like a tree forced by the autumn to shed his leaves I lay there bare, striving to ride this storm.
I tried to balance on the edge of this man made well, looking back as you pushed me down to the darkness that surrounded me, and I fall into this void, where the silence extinguished the echo of your voice.
A little hand reached out to me, a gentle, young, soft hand caressing me into her, surrounding me in a cocoon of light feathers.
Lucy lifted me up into her bright, shining sky of diamonds, introducing me to the naked old man who’s cycling to the moon; past the maroon clouds into the rusty horizon,
Where I was running through those fields, where all my tracks were concealed. It was all White as snow.
And in between the cracks, sprouts began to show, as the desert filled with blossom of bright yellow dandelions. But underneath the cover of this perfect wonder, it was all white as snow.
I heard the voices of friends vanished and gone.
I was alone, like a bridge over water I laid myself down, not being phased by the turbulent beneath me.
With time, the cocoon had metamorphosis from its silky worm shelter into a suffocating larva, restricting my lungs, consuming my been, Draining me into its core threatening to become me.
I strived to forget the unforgivable, and was lost in the journey to numb my pain.
I lingered as the time passed me by, observing from the outside on the cavity inside.
Unconscious to my surrounding, I was content to be led down a dark alleyway, as a beam of light stroked my face; you held the prism against it and let the rainbow brash gently across my skin. Disturbing my hibernation, you shifted the darkness, and left the sky bright with a few feather clouds. You cleared my horizon.
With your presence you painted the heavens in light sapphire, and ornamented them with paragon gems. They were safe again
You weeded my path, you mended my cracks, and the desert had gained an oasis.
naturally the spring has alighted on my bare tree. Broken and bruised from the wind, now nurtured back into health.
Our paths joined together as our trees linked arms.
We established our roots deep in the ground as the air filled with the sweet smell of young, colourful blossom.
A beautiful, alluring, yet strong and forceful butterfly fluttered among us pollinating our flowers, which soon had turned into fruits, not yet ripe but nourishing none the less.
Our trees, bonded together, united into one magnificent oak, firm and strong our timber stand, lacking the ambers on its stem.
This tree, now older and wiser, gained its life back from the valley of death, no longer have the desire to forget the unforgivable, but had learned to forgive the unforgettable.